GIRL,GET IT TOGETHER

lately, I've been feeling weird. without any signs or symptoms,for the past week, i'll be walking the dog, or strolling in a grocery lane and then all of the sudden, in a single stride, i get the sensation that i'm walking down steps. and then i get that jolt, like when you slip on a wooden floor in socks and your heart jumps as you catch yourself before tumbling to the ground. i was in the parking lot of the bethesda country club, on my way to an interview when allathedsuddden i completely forgot which car pedal was accelerate or stop, nearly colliding into a verrry swanky car and accidentally hitting the horn in my chaotic psychotic convulsion. i clenched my jaw and hoped to god the person interviewing me did not witness that volatile delirium. at yoga class yesterday, i could not keep a balanced pose to save my life. and for any yoginis out there, plunging to the ground in the midst of tranquil serenity is unpleasant and equally embarrassing for yourself and everyone around you... then today, i went to the DMV to replace my lost driver's license. setting me up for the picture, the man behind the desk directed me to tilt my head to right. so i did. and he said,

no hun, to the right,..hmm okay then, to the other right

whoa. i totally confused my left and right. i told him how i've been mixing a lot of things up lately, and he looked at me, handed me my spankin' new ID and mused, girl, get it together. and then, that, was when, i clued in. when one thing out of the ordinary occurs, i often shrug it off and forget about it. but when a series of off behaviors take place, i truly feel that it's often a subtle sign, a hidden meaning, that something or someone in this gigantic curious mysterious universe is trying to send you. recently, i've been in a diligent flurry of decadent schemes for my future. i get the inspiration and then for an entire day i can not stop stirring up ways to achieve it. then by 10 that night, i have completely abandoned the idea and have set forth onto another different, yet equally exotic ambition. unable to actually accomplish anything, i'm beginning to think that my body is starting to react to my rather rabid and flippant behavior. on the other hand, what's happening to my intrinsically programmed systems could perhaps be, illuminating. maybe my body is experiencing a mental overload and is attempting to convey a message to me by manifesting it through physical abnormalities, since my mind is unable to see it's own chaos. it's too busy, too preoccupied, too zealous. maybe the message is to remain more centered, chose one option and commit. or, perhaps it's a subtle sign to keep all my gates open,that stop/go, right/left, still/stirred are simply subjective terms that need to be pensively and personally revised. one couuuuld say, wah wah annie, you're overanalzying and creating meaning and symbolism where metaphor doesn't exist. a simple mix up, or an off-day does not equate to introspective ruminations. but my golly, wouldn't life be boring if we didn't at least try to find meaning in the ordinary? for many legendary creaters, such as albert einstein, and emily dickenson and leonardo da vinchi, the AH HA moments weren't generally during researching, or investigation, but rather during those times of dreamy reflection. so as my DMV muse crystallized my scattered thoughts, i realized that meaning can be found and formed anywhere, and because of this incredible gift, i will always try to remain as receptive as possible. hence, while my life continues to be a giddy mosaic of scattered ideas and ambrosical missions, i'm going to continue to slow down and watch, because sometimes someone or something clues you in.