you say stew, i say shtew

I’m sitting in front of my not-for profit work desk eating a bag of baked lays (not chedder, just classic..eh) and a can of diet A&W aged vanilla root beer. This is what life is like right now, and I’ve been trying to accept this situation just like most people seem to be able to do, but, I have problems coping as I’m discovering these days. Woe! I just received an email from a co-worker, Popcorn with pecans by the fridge- DANK. Treats make Flannard (as liz has lovingly named me) happy. Especially when they're coated in butter and caramel and involve anything having to do with clusters. I was telling Amy, best friend from childhood who is living in Eastern Congo right now, that today is an oy day but that her oy beats my oy because she is living in the Congo and I am not. For those that know not oy, it is short for Oy vey iz mir!, an effective Yiddish term that loosely translates to oh jeese, or oh-my-god. Anyways, Amy told me to stop comparing my experience with hers and as much as I try not to, it helps me sometimes to think about how trivial my issues are in comparison. But then other times, I realize you really can’t compare experiences, it’s unproductive and leaves me feeling inadequate and terribly struck with angst. On that note,I’ve been feeling crazy lately. I am in the midst of a big, necessary move. I have been living at home for over a year and that‘s a long-ass time. I have never felt more like a 13 year old girl in my life, more so then when I was 13. I bitch at my wonderful, caring parents, all the time. My mother is a soil scientist who is starting up a composting business and my father is a person that got a biology degree and now is a computer programmer analyst thing thing. See, they're lovable, not the folk that should be harassed by an in-transition relapsing histrionic adolescent. My sister just got married to a non-practicing Catholica,Portuguesa boy named Rick, and now she is Melissa Cohen Heyeck. They’re really fun people with quite giddy taste in food. They always have incredible snacks in their apartment. Cheetos, jelly beans, captain crunch, oreos, yogurt covered raisins, four cartons of ice cream,and every type of gummy fruit snacks, remember the dinosaur ones?yummmm. As opposed to my nearly vegetarian household where my father concocts a mess of a dish he calls squash casserole at least once a week, usually two nights in a row. Our garden is full of squash right now; exciting yes, but this casserole situation is getting nasty. And there’s no reason to call it a casserole, it’s squash that he's sautéed and then proudly says that he’s added a secret ingredient to it. The same secret ingredient that he adds to every dish including smoothies, a.k.a-liquados. Dad asks me if I want a liquado almost every day in this really goofy, skinny jerry garcia kinda way. My dad is really kind. Little kids make fun of him. We were at a family reunion last weekend and the kiddies were playing this game where they had to make a "dedication" every time they got onto the diving board before they jumped off it. One girl pointed to my father who happens to have a serious mustache, like the type you can buy for costume purposes with adhesive.Groucho Marks sums it up. So this girl steps up to the tip of the board and points to father and says, I'm dedicating this to the man with the squirral on his face! Poor guy, he's attached to the little sucker, he said so. He can't imagine not having it. I try to relate, but yuck, no. That little odd band of prickly hair above his thin hidden lip has held him captive for too long. Father, it's time for change. OKAY, back to food. I’m fine eating my own personal concoctions, but I get really grossed out by other peoples. In college I made a concoction, well in more technical terms, tomato shtew. Take or leave the h in shtew, but I think it better defines this recipe's essence. What I do (and Lindsey has her own version that I find REALLY funny) is this- -1 cup of pureed tomato sauce. I usually bought the Price Chopper can that was 39 cents. My parents brought me up oddly frugal. Then I microwave that lusciousness in a bowl and add toppings as desired!-shredded mozzarella cheese, frozen corn, sometimes I’d throw in a pizza pocket or mini egg role and zap it for a sec thus leading to the creation of a decadent primordialesque stew. This is a dish of the gods, no seriously. Lindsey would even throw in some chex cereal for some crunch. Can’t go wrong with it, trust me;) But that is why I have no interest in eating my dad's primordial concoction, yuck! Plus, it's personal thing eating the food you make, it shouldn't be shared unless it is made with everyone in mind. I used to be embarrassed by my stew, sometimes I'd forget about it in the microwave and a dainty roommate would open the microwave door, and I would hear a scream..EW WTF IS THIS!? I'm sorry honey, but I don't eat no nine dolla Bertolli. Mama's got her own home cookin. Lindsey and I once decided to make our own version of casserole, and feed it to our boyfriends at the time, moo ha ha. That was also during the time period that we wanted to make love potions and heard ghosts gliding around in our house at 10-12 Converse Court in Burlington, Vermont. And I still want to make love potions which I plan on doing once I get my act together and actually get a job and a salary so I feel like I can actually indulge in doing things that I enjoy. Nowadays, I feel guilty doing things for my own pleasure because there is this constant inner nag to get my act together. Anyways….my very noble and culinaryingly daring mechanical engineer boyfriend at the time tasted our casserole. I mean, he once told me that his brother and him had eaten old meat from a shed or something from his camp in upstate NY. So he had no excuse not to try this. This wasn't putrid.In it there were noodles, ranch dressing (I’d take that ingredient out a second time around) goldfish, shredded mozzarella,curried cashews, some tomato product, bacon and a chicken breast. A bit Sandra Lee Semi-Homemadeish, but with good flavor combinations and sans the INSANE tablescape situation. OK, I have to go make name tags, tent card, labels, and visitor packets for a group of Pakistani emerging leaders, and Baltic youth who are coming here through our State Department sponsored leadership program.