jobs

i've always been a proponent of time off. to some it sounds daunting, disorganized, lazy. to others it's obviously desirable but completely unrealistic. always following a time line, inching away at our lives through the supposedly meaningful milestones, the monotonous routine of working for a comfortable future, i.e.retirement, ends up clouding our present. by allowing time off, you regain your essence. you're open to ideas, exposing yourself to new themes, new opinions, which can be taken back to work and integrated. if only we could see the impact that such a system could bring. it's tricky though.because most jobs, slash no jobs will allow you sabbatical every five years to refresh, replenish and restore.stuck in a deadline, committed to a contract, responsible for your family, it's so sad to say that this is completely and utterly wishful thinking. so while i truly see such merit in a system that weaves work and pleasure together, i think we have a looooong way to go before our systems realize that this time line we're living in can be reorganized, can be paced differently and in the end we may have less results, but better quality ones.

packages

getting a package in the mail is ravishingly delightful. often times plain and obscure on the outside,it's luring mysterious presence waits to be clawed open. perhaps obligatory holiday chocolates from father's work establishment or a fanciful treat of stickers and floral from lindsey!whatever it may be, when the fedex man rings my doorbell, it's time for a goody. yesterday, i heard the ring, grabbed the package and brought it into the living room. bella wouldn't stop sniffing it and began tipping it over on it's squared sides determined to figure out the mystery. wahoo, i thought. YUMMY STUFF. after all,the nose knows. but then i saw it was addressed to the mother. the mother would never mail order sweets, that would be

excessive and extravagant

hmm so what could a 56 year soil scientist order in the mail? well, as it turns out, WORMS. I should have known. the stinkier the thing, the more my dog likes it. i recieved a phone call a few hours later from my mom saying that she was receiving ten pounds of worms for her redworm composting and that if i was home, to take them into the basement so they wouldn't get overheated. so much for creamy pecan prelines, worms it was!

GIRL,GET IT TOGETHER

lately, I've been feeling weird. without any signs or symptoms,for the past week, i'll be walking the dog, or strolling in a grocery lane and then all of the sudden, in a single stride, i get the sensation that i'm walking down steps. and then i get that jolt, like when you slip on a wooden floor in socks and your heart jumps as you catch yourself before tumbling to the ground. i was in the parking lot of the bethesda country club, on my way to an interview when allathedsuddden i completely forgot which car pedal was accelerate or stop, nearly colliding into a verrry swanky car and accidentally hitting the horn in my chaotic psychotic convulsion. i clenched my jaw and hoped to god the person interviewing me did not witness that volatile delirium. at yoga class yesterday, i could not keep a balanced pose to save my life. and for any yoginis out there, plunging to the ground in the midst of tranquil serenity is unpleasant and equally embarrassing for yourself and everyone around you... then today, i went to the DMV to replace my lost driver's license. setting me up for the picture, the man behind the desk directed me to tilt my head to right. so i did. and he said,

no hun, to the right,..hmm okay then, to the other right

whoa. i totally confused my left and right. i told him how i've been mixing a lot of things up lately, and he looked at me, handed me my spankin' new ID and mused, girl, get it together. and then, that, was when, i clued in. when one thing out of the ordinary occurs, i often shrug it off and forget about it. but when a series of off behaviors take place, i truly feel that it's often a subtle sign, a hidden meaning, that something or someone in this gigantic curious mysterious universe is trying to send you. recently, i've been in a diligent flurry of decadent schemes for my future. i get the inspiration and then for an entire day i can not stop stirring up ways to achieve it. then by 10 that night, i have completely abandoned the idea and have set forth onto another different, yet equally exotic ambition. unable to actually accomplish anything, i'm beginning to think that my body is starting to react to my rather rabid and flippant behavior. on the other hand, what's happening to my intrinsically programmed systems could perhaps be, illuminating. maybe my body is experiencing a mental overload and is attempting to convey a message to me by manifesting it through physical abnormalities, since my mind is unable to see it's own chaos. it's too busy, too preoccupied, too zealous. maybe the message is to remain more centered, chose one option and commit. or, perhaps it's a subtle sign to keep all my gates open,that stop/go, right/left, still/stirred are simply subjective terms that need to be pensively and personally revised. one couuuuld say, wah wah annie, you're overanalzying and creating meaning and symbolism where metaphor doesn't exist. a simple mix up, or an off-day does not equate to introspective ruminations. but my golly, wouldn't life be boring if we didn't at least try to find meaning in the ordinary? for many legendary creaters, such as albert einstein, and emily dickenson and leonardo da vinchi, the AH HA moments weren't generally during researching, or investigation, but rather during those times of dreamy reflection. so as my DMV muse crystallized my scattered thoughts, i realized that meaning can be found and formed anywhere, and because of this incredible gift, i will always try to remain as receptive as possible. hence, while my life continues to be a giddy mosaic of scattered ideas and ambrosical missions, i'm going to continue to slow down and watch, because sometimes someone or something clues you in.

bells marie

la pooch helped me sort through scarves to keep, and scarves to donate

hidden treasures

every now and then, i rediscover gems i'd once overlooked or forgotten about. china town in D.C. my decadent assemblage of scarves D.C. bartenders

i love sundays

can anybody find meeeeee somebody to love?

i was in the elevator the other day with my friend and noticed what i had overheard proudly from the woman next me to be a pure bred pup right beside us. immediately, my tail went up. pure bred to me, is no better than proudly saying out loud, 'i am an insensitive, morally impaired,socially unconscious, mentally limited piece of dreck'. honestly, i try to remain open to all sorts of views, unfortunately my indignant side comes out when it pertains to obvious no no's. but then i thought, okay, we all have different exposure and various life experiences. so maybe this oblivious purchaser of purebredness was unaware of all the abandoned, suffering dogs that live in 5 by 5 foot cages in shelters all over our cities. my sister recently took me to the washington animal shelter where she volunteers to walk dogs once a week. i wasn't at all aware of what exactly i was getting myself into. cages of cats meowing for attention, and a rough, bleeding little munchkin of a dog was whimpering near the main desk. it caught me off guard. quite a different environment than the rowdy bar i had been in last night. we walked down a set of stairs and all the sudden my heart dropped. there were around nine cages full of dogs, waving their tales wildly in hopes of getting some human regard. as i walked down the aisle, i read the profiles of each dog that had been mechanically placed on a clipboard on their individual cage. there was lots of barking, but there were the few dogs that remained silent, distressed by the loud tension and excitement of the others. one dog wanted to go out so badly he kept knocking over his water bowl, inevitably soaking his nearby bed of torn, thin blankets laid upon the concrete ground. down the aisle, i read a profile that said, "may have issues with men." probably abused, this dog looked disturbed yet came out of his bed towards me aching for interaction. life is complex. our systems, whether social, political, environmental or economical, overlap. and with this overlap comes consequences, hidden realities for those overlooked, displaced, or disposed. my sister has a commendable passion for animal rights and rescue. my friend amy has a distinguished commitment for the urgency of those humans impoverished by mental, social or economic circumstances. and me, i often find myself overwhelmed with grief and guilt at the privilege my life has given me. but i have realized over time that rather than dwell or ignore the despondence and transgression that exists, to do something about it. everyone is busy. busy busy busy busy. but while we are all so busy, often things get ignored. i had never gone into an animal shelter out of fear that i would get too distressed. my fear alone stopped me from making change. but then i went, and realized that just once a week doing something for someone or something in need can make such a difference. and i had to ask myself, what else can i do to help? whether it's animals, people, plants or the thousands of other entities that need help and go unheard, there is something for everyone to do. animals may not be your thing, but something is. we're all in this together. The question is not, "Can they reason?" nor, "Can they talk?" but rather, "Can they suffer?" Jeremy Bentham

a touch of country magic

i wiiiiish i could fly a broom, because this is my SOUL broom. a raw pine broom pressed with pure cinnamon oil from the cinnamon tree.it's standing elegantly in my room, the rich rustic scent flowering my festive mood :)

ispirazione divina

my goddess this is perfection.i want to be that woman, in that room, minus the hair. as my grand friend lindsey often says, this scene is BEAUTIOUS

Al +Val= Me

to me having children is as sci-fi as it gets. to think that for 9 months something is growing inside of you, attached to your body, feeding off your grub, kicking around, and having weird baby thoughts. it's all a big mystery to me, like electricity. completely.100%.goes over my head. 1st trimester-fertilization.jubilation! implantation.starry-eyed expectations.2nd trimester-baby begins to seem more real, now rather than being told you have a human growing inside you, you feel the thingamabob.nausea. 3rd trimester- pregnancy can be tiring and uncomfortable. Understand how to relieve your symptoms and anxiety as your due date approaches. all to similar to my marathon experience this past weekend. 1st mile-unjustified confidence and excitement, not considering in any shape or form what lies ahead. 2nd mile- wow, good for me, in fresh air, using my god-given body as an instrument of action!a good 20 feet ahead of mom, dad and cousins. 3rd-9th mile-uh, when's the first rest stop, i heard there are blueberry bagels and power bars.hmm.yum. 10th mile-YES, made it to food tent.cute college boy working it.i'm not in college anymore, i can't think that,right? ready to go, i'm fueled. 11th-23rd mile-starting to feel the tedious movements creep up to my butt, knees and back. worry about posture and if this is going to sabotage my past two weeks of yoga. i look hunchback and every time i try to straighten my back out, almost lose control of bicycle. cousin lauren takes a spill on damp leaves.gets taken back by two cute first aid men and has a very legitimate excuse to retreat back to inactivity. ah, kinda jealous. mile 24-Haallelujah there's apple pie and ice cream at the rest stop.the porta potties are vile and i can't help but stare down at what they've collected. humans are disgusting. i wish i hadn't just eaten the pie and ice cream. mile 24-35th-okay there's pain. it's not overwhelming, i knew this would happen. begin to meditate to the rhythmic clicking of my wheels and look down at the ground as i pedal. hear from up ahead, "annie how's your rear end doin??" it's mom, she can sense my mental and physical deceleration. and my rear, it hurts, so fucking much. mile35-43-pain.the fucks start coming out. who the fuck in their right fucking mind does this fucking shit for fucking fun! dad slows down to encourage me. shut the fuck up, i can't fucking talk right now,i'm in fucking pain. poor man, i'm so cruel. but so not apologetic. my mom decides to deal with me instead. mile 44-55- 12 year old me has manifested. pain,my knee hurts.try to meditate.i think about kite runner(the book i'm currently reading. if they can deal with excruciating, inhumane pain, why the hell can't i do a 60 mile yuppy-ass ride. continue demoralizing myself in efforts to motivate. the last SAG bus comes by to offer to drive us back, my mom bugs me to go, i say SHUT UP I'M NOT GETTING ON STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME QUIT. the bus leaves and says, HAVE FUN.yeah, sure. i bitch out my poor, wonderful, caring and fit mother while i focus on the sharp cones my ass has become. I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN. but i continue the attempt to finish, because there are only 6 miles left. mile 56-done.get off my bike,sit cross-legged on the side of the road and apologize to mom and dad for my absurd behavior and get shuttled back to normalcy. a few hours later after a maryland clam chowder, a crab cake sandwich and three coconut cornbread biscuit thingies, i realize, i could totally do this again! but back to pregnancy. it's so weird that i'm made up of my mom and dad. i know people say it's science, but i just think it's magic. i mean sure we know the processes that it involves and the chemicals and shmemicls that create it's elegant design, but really, it's just so odd that one day a baby is going to pop out of my feminine region and viola-mine and someone else's human will be born. whoa. so for this entry, i am paying homage to the people that made me, Alan(Al) and Valerie(Val)..i know, too cute right. there are certain things about them i adore and their little quirks, like the kitchen windowsill of chachkes both independent yet always committed. curious, caring and inspiring, al and val have been with me every step of the ride :)

autumn

I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. -h.d. thoreau my good friend caitlin from california said her mother went to vermont one year, to see autumn. i'm quite drawn to this phase of the year. it's bittersweet.the natural world begins it's hibernation and the frosty essence of a much needed sleep sprinkles the land into a dreamlike state. the hearty woods begin their transformation as their leaves turn rough and fragile.once a soft, mossy green, now a medley of browns, oranges and reds. the shivers, cold cider, apple picking, carving pumpkins,ghost stories and pine scented candles await us! to me there is no better time of year than halloween time, and the month leading up to it. i'm a jew-so i don't get no christmas all you little lucky gentiles out there. and birthdays, eh, not my cup of tea. can't do the tiara thing. and easter, the darling colors, the hunts, the dying of eggs, and ohmyeffinggoddess THE BASKETS OF PERFECTION, but no, the jew gets nonna it. valentines day, sweet, lovely, sexxxxxy, but still it doesn't beat costumes, haunted hay rides, roasted pumpkin seeds, and going door to door getting heaps of true divinity-candy. so, lucky me. ME ME ME, was able to venture off to Vermont last weekend to enter my snow globe of perfection.autumn in vermont :) pumpkins surrounded the country store where we nibbled on maple candy and cold cider we picked apples for the pie we would devour that evening a silly scarecrow dangled as we left the orchard and on our way back home, i truly knew there was a mighty reason why i was coming back to live here