Variety is the Spice of Life?

I think I'm starting to weird my parents out. I sent them a SissyKiss link, and told them adamantly that they MUST check out this unbelievably bizarre site. But it's not because I relate to it, or I'm interested in it in any shape or form, I'm just incredibly boggled and curious that someone could be this attracted to such an unusual fantasy.

We all know we're different. Preference and opinion are entirely subjective; how can one say green is prettier than purple? Well, maybe because it is... But truuuuly, it's not a right or wrong situation. There's just no way to defend such a thing. And, obviously, if we all had the same thoughts and taste and perspective, then life would be pretty gosh darn boring and we certainly wouldn't have the mixing of minds needed for cultural evolution and discovery. As the hyperactive midnight dorm skateboarder that lived above me  my freshman year said so wisely for our young blossoming minds (and potentially with mixed intentions), Variety is the Spice of Life.

On that note, I recently watched a surprisingly insightful movie titled, Strictly Sexual. A curious theme that touches on our mixed impressions of current day femininity (yahh, I may be looking into this a bit further than then the Director's intentions), this film sequentially uncovers layer by layer the often unnoticed progression of relationships, their individual subtleties and complexities. A simple, yet poignant story of human connection and growth, I really thought this was a wise tale hidden in a taboo cloak.

So while some may find adult baby sites distasteful, creepy or just plain freaky, I can't compare these peoples' fantasies in terms of my own reality. This is the world they're living in. The world they're attracted to. In the Showtime series, Dexter, the show thoughtfully dissects the cause and effect of nature and nurture, allowing you to form empathy rather than sympathy for a protagonist psychopath that wants to kill. I, myself, wanna craft, write, romance, travel, cook, talk, and learn, but kill is certainly not in my repertoire. But rather than scorn, ostracize and outcast this human being that has been nurtured to have these urges, this show analyzes this character's angst, follows his growth and integration, and creates the awareness among us normal folk that you work with the person's design rather than try to change it.

Grateful!

                       I'll light the fire, you place the flowers in the vase that you bought today

Splendor in the Grass

This is Penny, my perky house plant

Oh Giovanni!

My dainty Norfolk Island Pine

Go with it

I feel like so much is happening so fast and somehow, something is graciously pushing my wondering self forward on this really really exciting ride.

Every now and then these days, I'll be driving down route 7 to go do work for this awesome non-profit that I'm volunteering for, and I'll have what I consider a moment. Lately, my mind is always racing with things I need to do, things I want to do, things I should have done and things I haven't done. Hectic, eh! A monkey mind indeed. Yet in Argentina my mind was gliding tranquilly at the pace of  Pachelbel's Canon; an airy, wondrous  happy coma of awe and enchantment! But here, that pace of life just doesn't compliment the commitments and goals that I've vaguely blueprinted into my life's current plan. Now, I have to get things done. And sometimes that stresses me out. SO MUCH that I don't accomplish anything, at all. And then the next day I freak out and realize how much everything means to me and then I Get Busy.

So on to my moment. It's when I'm in that space in time when I'm what you would consider very un-present; utterly involved in my head and fully engrossed in a thought, but generally, it's not even a thought because I can't even remember what I was thinking. oy! Like when you're spacing out while reading a book and then boom you realize you haven't been reading anything but your eyes have been skimming down the lines in a mechanized trance; doing what you should be doing but not actually doing it. So my moment occurred when I had that snap back into reality. A moment of mindful awareness, I suppose. Things slowed down and I fully sunk into the reality that I was experiencing, directing, following. These moments happen every now and then and it feels as if there's almost two of me in the one of me. The me that is the conductor and the me that is the passenger. Often times it feels as if there's a force that's gently pushing me forward saying the world is going to keep going with or without you. In the past I've felt like I let myself slip behind and somehow justified that if it took this much effort then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. And I guess now I've fortunately come to realize that it takes that much effort plus more and more and more and more. I do, however, think that when you love what you're doing then you have that much more energy to invest. Perhaps in the past I wasn't completely invested in my goals so it took that much more incentive and toil.

These days I'm running off some new energy that I've never quite experienced. I slept 4 wacky hours a couple nights ago and yet I was able to haul my painfully tired, withered self to an online international meeting where answers stepped out of my mouth, while half of my brain just watched and uh twitched. Then I got home and that newly mature side of me said you need to pick something up at the Howard Center-my new place of work. So I go there and pick this something up because there is that conscious reminder that it's important. So I went like a good kid. I'm experiencing a lot of confusion these days, but rather than get worked up about it, I just go with what I'm told and it slowly unfolds into clarity. Take yesterday. I had this whole misinterpretation that I was going to the Howard Center to meet with a case worker and a potential client. I get there and the case worker that I had been playing phone tag with for the past week says, OK, well why don't you just meet me in the back of the City Market parking lot and you can follow me with your car. On auto pilot, I said probably uber enthusiastically-Yeah, definitely, for sure!--even though I had no idea what in the world he was talking about. So I stomped my big boots back up to the 5th floor of the public parking garage and followed this man's car, got concerned maybe I was following the wrong car, but realized at a red light it was the right car to our mysterious destination. I thought about how sketchy this was, but then realized that this man was a licensed social worker so the thought was thrown out.

We got out of our cars and for once, I let the man speak first. I am such a yenta. I'm usually the first to gab, blab, or mumble some joke or innuendo (I take after you Dad!). So within the next minute I realized we were doing a meet and greet with a prospective client. Confusion cleared. Mystery solved.Case closed.

I followed the case worker upstairs to a desolate, somber apartment complex and let one more new experience unfold.

Wanderlust

Jul y Sophie (Jujuy, Argentina 2009)

As Huston Smith so poignantly said, I am homesick for the world 

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I am always impressed. I'm impressed at how life is always teaching me valuable lessons and how absolute chaos can transform itself magically into peaceful clarity and understanding. Yesterday, I was insane in ze membrane. This was the background song in my head for the day-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHcWx9BNZ9I&feature=related. Overwhelmed by work and confused by delusion and unfortunate ridiculousness that I carelessly fell into, I couldn't process the truths that were being thrown elegantly my way.

I moved to Burlington because this enclave of integrity and connection has a way of teaching you the impact you can make and how every little action has a reaction. A small petri dish for people to play and learn in, this town is sprouting with ideas, creativity and karma.

I came across a book called, Vermont: A Special World, and it struck me just how special this place is. Here, you make what you want Possible. Obviously, you have to have the passion, knowledge and perseverance, but if you pile those pieces into one sprig of deep intention, then you can make it possible in one way or the other.

I was talking to my co-worker last night and he told me that he always looks at the world cynically and pessimistically. He's always waiting for the next shitty thing to happen, et voilà they do! He got a parking ticket right outside of work yesterday and said, just my luck.

A few  days ago, after jumping around downtown Burlington in a giddy state of blissful nonchalance, I woke up the next morning and realized my big floral wallet was not in my dainty little purse! oooops.I got a call from my bank notifying me that they had received a call from Esox, a bar downtown saying that they had my wallet. I called Esox on my way to work and told them that I didn't have time to pick it up because I was on my way to Single Pebble for work, but that I would pick it up later that evening.They said it would be waiting for me.

Snipping away at snow peas with the other bussers, gabbing about who did what when, my boss came in with a snicker on her face and handed me my wallet with not a thing missing from it. A bartender from Esox had surprise walked over to my restaurant and hand delivered my beloved wallet.

So as my fellow busser described his bad luck and injustices that were imposed upon him daily, I couldn't help but feel confused. And it was then that I reminded myself of something that is all too easy to lose sight of in times of distorted thinking--Why not get the most you can out of your experience and then build upon it? Why look at things in a win-lose situation, if you can look at them in a win-win situation? I live my life VERY optimistically, maybe a little too much. So when you mix optimism with a slightly false or maybe just naive sense of reality, you sometimes run into lessons. Not trouble, just lessons. And while I make freaken big ass mistakes, I can't believe how grateful I am for them.

En Serio.

I'm hot! You're hot! He's hot! She's hot!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrhf_zgtmAg

Obviously.

The Golden Rule.

a fanciful twist

It's considered psychotic to look for patterns and symbolism in 'real life' occurrences according to most modern day psychology. But I definitely do it anyway! It works for me...

Équilibre

When Jeanine and I were traveling throughout South America, we became acutely aware of how we functioned and our pace of life. Traveling with someone will do that. Being side by side with someone in such stimulating and challenging situations clearly shows you how different AND how similar each others approach to life is.

While I've always taken a more leisurely approach to life, Jeanine valued that method, but was comfortable using tools and time to guide her way. Not to say I don’t, but I generally set out loose intentions and see where they take me. Sometimes, by allowing yourself open access to the UniVerSe’s wAy,  the world can be such an exhilarating and surprising experience. Dropped off at places you could never imagine or plan for yourself, things are often revealed. BUT, other times, you waste time, energy and sometimes, find that little pang of regret of what could have been done differently.

Caitlin and I took the bus all over BsAs. One day on our way to San Telmo, I told her that we needed to get off at a particular stop and it ended up being the wrong one. OOPS! Butttt, we ended up strolling through uncharted neighborhoods, eating deeeeeevine ice cream and discovering new gems in the process. The Process!

I’m bad at going directly from A to B to C to D. Sometimes, it’s frustrating and I wish I had that smooth, clear operating logical mind that creates direct intentions and goals. But I don’t, so I’ve learned to appreciate my pace, but incorporate and learn as much as I can from other methods. Cause mine aint perfect, and sometimes it reveals wonderful things to me, and other times I know I could have done it better a different way.

Jeanine appreciated going with la flow, but she also valued accomplishing intentions made from the get-go. I think it’s how you define intentions, though. I feel like I don’t have the wisdom  yet to fully know what I want to get out of a situation. By keeping life open ended, I have so many more avenues to take. Right? No se!

Argentina flooded me with friends, discoveries and excitement. Every day for almost a year, I was really quite joyous. Obviously there were days that were more routine than others, but even taking a different way home from work brought about new sights and situations, or a new sabroso breed of empanada!

Jeanine taught me the importance of balance. And since then I have been tryyyyyyiiiiing me hardest (well kinda) to find it. Before that, my life was either BEYOND amazing, or BEYOND bad. But I think it’s also how you describe it and by limiting myself for a large majority of my life to good or bad, or sad or happy, I left out some important emotions that are key to reflecting from a rich experience. 

I am easily swept away, and during that time of flippant bliss I am what Mihály Csíkszentmihályi would say, IN FLOW. Comparatively described ‘action of inaction’ in Buddist lingo, this feeeeeling is something I definitely relate to, but when it leaves I sometimes feel guilt. Almost as if it was too dreamy, too unconscious. But then I give it a few days and I realize that there are definite ebbs and flows to life and we can’t always be in a state of reflection or else life would pass right by without allowing us to learn those crucial special lessons. So sometimes I allow myself to drift away; pleasantly abstracted from immediate reality. I’m really good at that, maybe too good. So maybe I’m not that good at incorporating the big picture with my inner picture. But, for the times that Flow takes over and all that exists is the world that I’m in, I have trouble apologizing. But life is not that simple and I suppppppose slash I KNOW, requires that overlap of awareness and flow. I have lots to learn.