Équilibre

When Jeanine and I were traveling throughout South America, we became acutely aware of how we functioned and our pace of life. Traveling with someone will do that. Being side by side with someone in such stimulating and challenging situations clearly shows you how different AND how similar each others approach to life is.

While I've always taken a more leisurely approach to life, Jeanine valued that method, but was comfortable using tools and time to guide her way. Not to say I don’t, but I generally set out loose intentions and see where they take me. Sometimes, by allowing yourself open access to the UniVerSe’s wAy,  the world can be such an exhilarating and surprising experience. Dropped off at places you could never imagine or plan for yourself, things are often revealed. BUT, other times, you waste time, energy and sometimes, find that little pang of regret of what could have been done differently.

Caitlin and I took the bus all over BsAs. One day on our way to San Telmo, I told her that we needed to get off at a particular stop and it ended up being the wrong one. OOPS! Butttt, we ended up strolling through uncharted neighborhoods, eating deeeeeevine ice cream and discovering new gems in the process. The Process!

I’m bad at going directly from A to B to C to D. Sometimes, it’s frustrating and I wish I had that smooth, clear operating logical mind that creates direct intentions and goals. But I don’t, so I’ve learned to appreciate my pace, but incorporate and learn as much as I can from other methods. Cause mine aint perfect, and sometimes it reveals wonderful things to me, and other times I know I could have done it better a different way.

Jeanine appreciated going with la flow, but she also valued accomplishing intentions made from the get-go. I think it’s how you define intentions, though. I feel like I don’t have the wisdom  yet to fully know what I want to get out of a situation. By keeping life open ended, I have so many more avenues to take. Right? No se!

Argentina flooded me with friends, discoveries and excitement. Every day for almost a year, I was really quite joyous. Obviously there were days that were more routine than others, but even taking a different way home from work brought about new sights and situations, or a new sabroso breed of empanada!

Jeanine taught me the importance of balance. And since then I have been tryyyyyyiiiiing me hardest (well kinda) to find it. Before that, my life was either BEYOND amazing, or BEYOND bad. But I think it’s also how you describe it and by limiting myself for a large majority of my life to good or bad, or sad or happy, I left out some important emotions that are key to reflecting from a rich experience. 

I am easily swept away, and during that time of flippant bliss I am what Mihály Csíkszentmihályi would say, IN FLOW. Comparatively described ‘action of inaction’ in Buddist lingo, this feeeeeling is something I definitely relate to, but when it leaves I sometimes feel guilt. Almost as if it was too dreamy, too unconscious. But then I give it a few days and I realize that there are definite ebbs and flows to life and we can’t always be in a state of reflection or else life would pass right by without allowing us to learn those crucial special lessons. So sometimes I allow myself to drift away; pleasantly abstracted from immediate reality. I’m really good at that, maybe too good. So maybe I’m not that good at incorporating the big picture with my inner picture. But, for the times that Flow takes over and all that exists is the world that I’m in, I have trouble apologizing. But life is not that simple and I suppppppose slash I KNOW, requires that overlap of awareness and flow. I have lots to learn.