Sense and/or Sensibility

I just finished the film adaptation of Jane Austen's novel, Sense and Sensibility, and it connected to a part of me that I know needs improvement, and yet, I have a lot of trouble learning.

I am not sensible, enough, I think. And yet somehow, I always justify my flippancy as honest and just ME. But in truth, I don't believe that declaring your attitudes or behaviors as only a result of being authentically yourself is adequate enough. We are all striving to be as honest with ourselves because it is only from that point that you can make positive steps forward for yourself. Not to say that mistakes leave you three steps behind, but it's only if you learn from them that you evolve from them. I have not yet learned from many of my mistakes because they are intrinsically a part of my personality's attitude. My reactions, perceptions and patterns are just a part of me as my eye and hair color are, BUT,fortunately, they are not fixed.

Last night I had a serious reality check. Unintentioanlly, I hurt my co-worker's feelings and honestly, he is the most respectful, upstanding male that I have met yet, here in Vermont. It's fortunate that it coincided with my viewing of this film, because it made me realize as Kate Winslet's character said so poignantly to my own inner view, while talking to her older sister, Neither of us have anything to tell. I because I conceal nothing and you because you communicate nothing. 

Upset at how I could flimsily and mindlessly hurt my friend and co-worker's feelings, I confided in my other co-worker and he said don't worry, he knows how you are. And it was that moment that I realized that that alone is no excuse. My ability to conceal nothing, must have some filters. While I've always thought that filtering your opinions is dishonest and unauthentic, I'm learning that there are legitimate reasons for leaving out potentially hurtful information.Thoughtless with my words, and carelessly talking without thinking, I didn't take into account my surroundings and the vast experiences that we all live in, and thus ended up offending someone that has only treated me with  utmost respect.

So while my senses may be heightened more than some, perhaps, I know I NEED to work on my sensibility and constant, vigilant awareness of how affected we all are by each others' words and actions.